wakeelf (wakeelf) wrote,

My own personal train wreck…

Originally published at Perches in the Soul. You can comment here or there.

I woke up two days ago with a  sensation. My hip was bursting with heat, anger and exhaustion.  I imagine if my lungs were in the shape the hip was at that moment I would be wheezing and puffing and turning blue.

Its my right hip….the so called GOOD hip.

What if you got on a train and you knew within the first five minutes that there was something terribly wrong?  Maybe there was smoke, maybe there hijackers…something that told you that it was only a matter of time before a…wreck…and you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt there was nothing you could do to prevent it.   It would happen.

What would you do?

What would you do if the same thing happened to you last year?

I can barely put on my socks.  I went to the gym last week and my right hip is still recovering.  The pain is not so bad that it wakes me at night and some days it doesn’t bother me hardly at all but its there.  Its going to give out.   Its relentless…this biochemistry…this physics.  I will lose.  There is no winning, no amount of fighting will save it.

and I can’t help but hate it.  Even though I know in the end it will be fine and it wont be that bad. Its hard to be happy about it.

Tags: disability stuff, patient-ness, the future
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